All About Sex

Let’s look at some different ways of having sex. You should combine this info with the safer sex strategies in Making Sex Safer.

Solo Sex

A shout-out to masturbation: it can be some of the safest sex we will have! The sections on this page focus mostly on having sex with other people, but remember: you can apply many of these tips to your solo sex adventures.

Sucking and Licking

So, you love oral? Welcome to the club. If you give oral sex, your chances of getting HIV are extremely low and even lower if you receive oral sex. But you can still get other STIs from giving or receiving a blow job.

Tips

  • Planning to give a blow job? Avoid flossing or brushing your teeth for 30 minutes, both before and after giving head.
  • You can use dental dams for rimming or period sex.
  • If rimming, it’s worth ensuring that the opening to the receiver’s asshole is clean (washed with soap and water).
  • Avoid deep throating, taking cum in your mouth, or swallowing cum. Consider alternatives like having your partner cum on other areas of your body.
  • Peeing after sex can flush bacteria from your urethra.
Fucking

Here, we use “fucking” to mean having anal, front-hole, and/or vaginal sex with one or more cocks—non-flesh cocks and/or flesh cocks. But fucking isn’t limited to cocks! See Finger fucking and fisting.

Whether you’re fucking as the insertive partner (sometimes called topping) or being fucked as the receiving partner (sometimes called bottoming), you can contract STIs. However, your chances of getting some STIs are higher with being fucked due to potential tears in the front-hole and anal walls.

Tips

  • Use caution if douching. Douching is a way of cleaning out the ass or front hole before sex. If douching, avoid using chemicals—these can irritate the lining of your ass/front hole and wash away natural flora that actually help protect against STIs. Instead, consider using warm water.
  • Barriers can be your best friend. Consider using barriers when fucking with non-flesh cocks and/or flesh cocks (including post-op cocks—see “Fucking after genital surgery” below). It’s also good to change the barrier when switching between anal, front-hole, and vaginal fucking.
  • Avoid directly sharing prosthetics/toys. When switching partners, it’s worth cleaning prosthetics/toys or using a new condom.
  • If you feel pain or discomfort while being fucked, check in with yourself. It’s OK to remember your body’s limits. If you’re on T, sometimes this can reduce front-hole self-lubrication and make the front-hole tissues more prone to tear and irritation (even if you self-lubricate).
  • Avoid the withdrawal method. Also called the pull out method, this method involves a person removing their flesh cock before it ejaculates semen. Due to pre-cum and the fact that people don’t always pull out correctly, this method isn’t reliable in preventing STIs and unwanted pregnancies.
  • Try peeing after sex. This will help to prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs).
  • Recovering from bottom surgery? It’s good to wait ’til your surgeon says it’s OK to have sex. This will help avoid pain, structural damage, and/or infections to the surgical area.

Fucking after genital surgery

Metoidioplasty or “meta” is a surgery that creates a penis by releasing the clitoris that was enlarged due to taking T. Meta surgeries can also involve further options, like lengthening the urethra to allow for peeing while standing up, closing the front hole, and having scrotal implants. Depending on your specific circumstances (and sexual interests!), it might be possible for you to penetrate a partner with your flesh cock. Certain prosthetic devices might also work for you.

Phalloplasty or “phallo” creates a penis using your own donor tissues (usually from your forearm or thigh). Some surgeons offer scrotal implants as part of a phalloplasty. You may be able to penetrate your partner with your flesh cock (again, if this is something you’re into!), usually either with an erectile implant or an external erectile device.

If you’re fucking someone with your post-op flesh cock:

  • depending on your cock size, you can try using an external condom or a finger cot. If you can’t find a barrier that fits, the person you’re fucking could wear an internal condom.
  • if you’re using an external erectile device, you can place the barrier over the device.
  • if your urethra has been lengthened you might have a higher risk of getting UTIs, particularly soon after surgery. Wearing a barrier might prevent you getting a UTI.

Give yourself time to see what works. Post-surgery, what might you need or want to do differently? Perhaps there’s a stroking device you want to try. If you’re post-phallo and finding it difficult to get erect, maybe you’d prefer to receive oral sex. And remember: having a penis doesn’t necessarily mean you should be the insertive partner during sex.

Fucking after hysterectomy

A hysterectomy or “hysto” involves removing the uterus. It can also involve partially or fully removing other parts of the reproductive system, like the cervix, fallopian tubes, and/or ovaries.

If your cervix has been removed, you may need to experiment with sex positions. When a cervix is removed, the surgeon creates a closure (called a “cuff”) inside the front hole. For some of us who are post-hysto, this can reduce the depth of our front holes.

Talk to your healthcare provider about pap tests. Depending on your situation, you may or may not need pap tests.

Finger Fucking and Fisting

Tips

  • Practice hand hygiene: It’s a good idea for the insertive partner to wash their hands, trim and file their fingernails, and cover open cuts or sores with gloves.
  • Choose the right lube and gloves: For fisting, longer-lasting lubes (silicone or oil-based) are better than water-based lubes. However, oil degrades latex, so if you’re using oil-based lube, it’s better to use nitrile gloves.
BDSM

Some of us are kinksters! BDSM encompasses a lot of activities, many of which aren’t strictly sexual. These activities span bondage and discipline (BD), domination and submission (DS), and sadomasochism (SM).

Cleaning and using new equipment

  • Needles, piercing, branding, or disposable shaving tools are designed for one use on one person only. After use, safely dispose of these items.
  • For all of your other equipment, it’s best to clean it after use. For example, you can sterilize non-motorized silicone toys and prosthetics by submerging them in boiling water for a few minutes. Many toys and prosthetics can be sanitized (e.g., with fragrance-free soap and water). Some materials can’t be sanitized, like leather. For details, visit catie.ca.

Avoid coming into direct contact with or consuming blood, piss, and/or shit, especially on cuts or in eyes

  • Breaking skin creates a site where some STIs can enter your bloodstream, so any play involving blood (e.g., piercing) can increase your chances of transmitting certain STIs. Also consider wiping away any drops of blood with cotton balls soaked in rubbing alcohol (preferably while wearing gloves).
  • Scat play (kink play that involves human shit) can increase your chances of getting Hep A and certain parasites, but it’s not associated with transmitting HIV.
  • Activities that don’t involve exchanging body fluids between people (like using floggers, paddles, clamps, masks, and gags) are unlikely to transmit STIs.